What happened was I spent my life in a singleminded pursuit of excellence, with the flawed (probably subconscious) belief that if I achieved the right combination of thing, that would make me feel okay, make me feel happy, make my parents finally proud of me. 

And then, somehow, I did achieve all the things I set out to do — and more — and it sucked the life out of me… There was an emptiness inside of me — I did all these things, I held up my end of the bargain, and it didn’t work. So now what…

I had to just sit there and be in that pain.

-Samin Nosrat